vendredi 21 avril 2017

Get Messy Season of Contrast | 03

This Season is kicking into high gear for me. I am immersed in my A3 art journal and loving getting lost in there. I really enjoyed trying a page in a style that is completely not my own. I went with a multi-layered, yet neutral background. I surprised myself with how I liked working this way. There may be a minimalist in me yet! Thanks EmK for this cool prompt.


I was thinking about how contrast (even when we don't want to see it that way) often is an opposing state. Pitting on side against the other. But, like everything in life, it is a fine line and things are not always so cleanly cut. Hence I blurred the line.


Next, I tried Tanyalee's tutorial on the free blog. The two initial colors I used were magenta and teal and I didn't like the result. So I added Paynes's Gray and still I hated it.


So I took it outside and used my spray paints on it. Much better. This spread addresses the idea of how we would solve things in the animal world.I call it Camouflaged.


The spread is on the backside of last week's one with the faces and I love how my own stitched face is hidden in the corner.


Hands have been everywhere in my work lately. Ghost hands, invading hands, giving hands. I'm not tired of them yet.


This spread is a homage to my Totem-ers. The women in that group make me so proud. They are releasing the negative, they are claiming what is theirs. We are putting on our tiger stripes and we are rising.


It's also my take on Julia's "controlled chaos" collage idea. The neon collage paper I made last October and am happy to have found a great use for it.


It is also my take on Misty's really cool idea of big vs small and the impact on your art.


A final spread: A legacy of half truths. I played around with packing tape transfers and fabric and stitching during my day off on Monday. A lot of the techniques in this spread come from having the time to catch up on the Metamorph workshop. 


When thinking about contrast and patterns, these are not only literal, they apply to our lives as well. I am in a transformation process and am undoing a lot of patterns that were passed down to me by the women in my family. It is kind of a big deal for me on a deep personal level.


Eating disorders are strange because they make you seem so petulant. Like of all the things that could be wrong with you, with everything going on in the world how can your problem be wanting to look thinner? But that isn't what it's about. It's about self-esteem, lack of control or someone else imposing their ideas/ways of seeing things/issues/control on you. It's about feeling like you are endlessly falling and you need to create a cushion to soften the landing. It's not a surface thing it's a low lying, in the dark murky waters lying thing. 


My body deserves not to be a depository for every emotion I have had to go through, it's not a depository for my anxiety, it is not a rampart against getting hurt. Food should not be a safe haven/addiction/distraction from my feelings. I'm working on forgiving myself first and foremost. And then forgiving others.


For the first time in 42 years, I am doing something really good about it and I am feeling proud and vulnerable. So there it is. Contrast. 

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4 commentaires:

  1. Wow Vanessa, all these pages are just so awesome. I really like your "It's a fine line" spread, it looks so clean & simple (in a good way) with so much texture and movement and I doubt achieving that look is anything but simple!! (at least for me!)

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  2. Your work is always awesome but i especially related to the work on self esteem. My situation is a bit different. Having been told most of my life i was stupid and fat, i managed to prove i wasn't stupid, but i decided that if i was fat I'd get fatter. And so i did, and I'm paying the price. It was a comfort to overeat but also self defeating. I don't think you're whining, rather you (and I) are responding to what we're told and what we see. I'm glad you're working on this. And letting us see it. Thank you

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  3. I don't cry about many things but reading about your eating/food issues resonates so strongly with me it always brings a tear to my eyes. I have exactly the same problem in I'm either saintly with what I eat, feel so strong, love the way I look and think I'll never let the darker side get the better of me again...and yet I always do, I don't know why. It's all or nothing, no halfway place which I've struggled to understand all my 57 years!
    I've seen your transformation, felt your turmoil when you first got to Beijing and feel such immense joy for you now as I know the struggles that you've had, appreciate and understand it all and know how wonderful you are feeling.
    I'm in need of inspiration as I try to pull myself out of self-destruct mode, I keep seeing how brilliantly you're doing and want to follow as I know that I can, must do and will do, starting today! Thank you for inspiring me, I feel stronger already for having written this. xx

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  4. Vanessa, you continually floor me with your ability to be both vulnerable and powerful. So succinctly, you have spoken to so many women who share this constant struggle. I have the same issues; it's either feast or famine for me. During the feast times, I beat myself up and have a constant nagging voice that berates me for my choices. During the famine, I wonder when I will mess it up. Why can't I just develop a healthy relationship with food? It's time. Thank you for sharing your struggle. Let's stand together to change our own narratives and accept our powerful, beautiful, strong, and fierce bodies.

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