Hello all. These pages I'm about to share are super colourful but deal with grief. It's kind of a strange contrast, but then there is nothing not strange about grief. The first spread is inspired by Cait's work. It's always so colorful and abstract, I wanted to explore that way of making a page.
Some of the mark making (especially the white lines on black gesso) comes from Roxanne Coble's Creatures class. This definitely feels like a stretch for me, but I like that.
I used a lot of different media here: acrylic paint, black gesso, neon markers, uniball signo pens, water soluble pencils.
This spread came after a dream I had about my father. He passed away suddenly in 2014. I dreamt of him and when I awoke, I had forgotten that he was dead. It was a strange awakening. I was dealing with jet lag so that probably played a part in it.
Grief is weird in how you remember the strangest things about someone. My father came to visit us in Hong Kong in 2011 and at that time I learned he didn't like cumin (which I had just added profusely to the chili I was making). It was just some weird detail that I didn't know and that I learned about him as an adult. One of those things that make you see your parent as an actual person. Anyway, the night after the dream we went to a Chinese restaurant here in Beijing and their specialty was cumin pork (and it was amazing), so I thought that was a strange/cool coincidence and added that in to my page.
I can't even begin to deal. I have shut myself out to protect myself. I break down when I read the stories. Of children. Families. People just enjoying fireworks for fuck's sake! The absolute deliberate violence of that gesture, of plowing down people for 2 km, is horrendous.
I wanted my page to express the horror I feel. The absolute contrast of reading that word in English and then understanding that it is referencing the city.
The most horrible par for me is knowing that we quickly move on to the next thing, change our profile picture, we claim to be this or that; but it all keeps going. We live is a terrible world, one where the information circulates quickly which is great but also a world where we run the chance of becoming jaded very quickly. In between the time that I made this and now, there have been at least four major incidents throughout the globe.
I don't want to forget, I want the people still waiting to have their loved one identified and the horrible truth confirmed that I am also still grieving even though we've moved on to other shootings, other deaths, other horrible loss of lives.Each one of these acts feeds the divisive discourses of the Le Pen and Trumps of the world and dialogue and openness become the biggest casualties of this brave new world.