lundi 7 avril 2014

(Almost) telling a story

I've been working on this little book for over a month now. If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen snippets of it from time to time. I made it for the Tell a Story class over at Classes Kara Made.



This story is a hard one to tell for me for many reasons. It's the story of my struggle with what I first defined as body image issues but now understand as control issues. Hence the title. I've always had problems accepting how my body looks. It used to be a lot worse and I'm not proud of it. I've always felt that I was 10 pounds away from happiness.

 

I am never content with my looks. I am always oscillating between periods of taking care of what I eat and working out and complete absence of both of these elements. I'm in one of those bad periods right now. The death of my father, the subsequent trip to South Africa and all the rest has completely sapped my will to even think about my weight/health for even a second. At the same time, eating is an excuse not to deal with what I'm feeling. Or to self sabotage. Or both.



Thing is, I have evolved a lot in this, even though I am embarrassed that at almost 40 and with a young daughter, issues of eating disorders, low self-esteem and body hate can still be in my everyday life. It feels like such a first-world problem. I wish it wasn't so, but it is.


 

I used to think it was only about how I looked and that the key was controlling what I eat. But I now understand that it is about needing control in moments where I have none. Now I try to put things in perspective, work out and eat healthy because this is intrinsically good for me, for my body but also for my mind.

 


As I've said, right now, I am not in a good place physically. I hope to get back on track after our Easter vacation. In the mean time, I am learning a lot from telling this story and putting in on paper.



Art heals, it's true.
 

Many of the images in this journal come from exhibits I've visited in Hong Kong, photos I have taken and also from Tumblr. The artists are Simon Birch, Alessandra Maria, Ray Caesar, Yelena Bryksenkova, Life Love Paper, Catherine Campbell, Silvia Ji, Mark Demsteader and James Gordon.


If you have any specific questions, please feel free to ask!







Thank you for looking.

5 commentaires:

  1. Wow, this is so inspiring. Not only do you deal with these struggles, but you also feel guilty of having them. Thanks for this post. I hope that you inspire thousands of girls and women who face similar issues. Maybe this is a first-world problem, but do we know many women who never faced discontent with their physical appearances to a certain extent? How many women around us portray acceptance and satisfaction of their bodies?

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    1. Thank you for your comment! You are right, maybe it is time for a more positive / honest portayal of women and of the conflicting emotions and issues surrounding self-perception.

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  2. What a brave post to write.
    I hate the term "first world problem". It always makes me feel that it isn't enough of a problem to care about.
    But things one considers to be a problem are always big enough to care and think about.
    ** okay an exception to that is people who freak out over the fact that the jar of peanutbutter is empty.. ;-)

    You have half of the battle already won; you reconise the pattern.
    Because when you don't see the pattern you can't do something about it.

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    1. thank you dear Janine! I agree with what you say : if you feel it, then you have to address it, right? Even if you feel it is embarrassing or unimportant, otherwise it can take up a lot of space in your life. This journal really helps me put things in perspective.

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  3. Wow. Reading about your struggles about this being a first world problem. About self-sabotaging. About the truth pissing you off. You are brave to name these feelings, and you are inspirational in the way that you look at it.

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